It’s Getting Real

I am SOOO conflicted!  We, really my daughter Avery, got this in the mail yesterday.  She applied to several colleges for next year, but has not heard from them because she did “regular” admissions rather than “early” admissions.  Because of that, she will not hear from colleges on admission decisions until late March/early April.

I knew we were not supposed to hear anything yet, so when I opened the mailbox yesterday and saw this, I was excited and confused.  I didn’t think we would hear anything yet.  But there is was….  The “big” envelope……  All I could think was, it doesn’t take a large envelope to hold a rejection letter.  Hopefully, this is a good sign.  Big envelopes are always a good sign, right?

I called my daughter to see when she would be home to open the letter.  She was volunteering at “The Boys and Girls Club” and wouldn’t be home for about two hours.  What?!  I had this envelope in my hands and it was about to burn a hole in me!  I checked the envelope to see if I could open it and successfully seal it back without it being noticeable.  (Have I mentioned that patience is not one of my gifts?)  No go.  I could not open it.  I know.  I should not even think about opening it.  But I am who I am.  I REALLY wanted to open it.  Ultimately, I restrained.

I took pictures of the envelope.  I texted pictures to her father and grandparents.  I texted some more about it.  My husband and I talked about it on the phone.  In our conversation he said,”This is a really big day!  No matter what happens, this is a BIG day!”  Thanks.  That’s all it took.  His next question was, “Are you crying?”  

Yes!  Of course I am crying.  My first baby to apply to college is getting her first letter.  I AM ABSOLUTELY CRYING!  We have worked for years to prepare her for college – as we do all our children.  Making sure she can read well, do math, understand science.  However, at the culmination of all these years of work, I found myself not wanting to open the letter.

When the letter is opened, it becomes real.  Real that she is really leaving us and going to college.  Real that she will never be my little girl any more.  I mean, she will will always be my little girl in some ways, but after she goes out into the world on her own I know things will change.  She will be independent.  She will make her own decisions.  Sure, we will be there to guide her, but she will be an adult.  After she’s an adult, she can never be my little child that I make all the decisions for….  You can’t go back.

The other night, I lay in bed awake fearing this letter and the others like it.  I am so proud of her and her accomplishments.  But I am so scared too.  When I think about not being able to see her and hug her every day, my heart aches.  I get that little flippy thing in my stomach that feels like I am going to vomit.  I know.  I know.  I need to calm down!!!  This is what we have worked for – to equip her with the skills to be independent and successful.  But why did it go by so fast?

So…. Avery finally came home and opened the letter.  Guess what?  It wasn’t an acceptance letter at all.  It wasn’t a rejection either.  It was a letter about a scholarship that had applied for.  They were asking her to come for an overnight stay and interview.  It’s a two day event and parents are invited as well.  It had never entered my mind that the letter could be about the scholarship.

Still, this is very exciting.  A possible scholarship!  Wow!  We need it too.  Have you seen how much college costs now?  Outrageous!!

Also, I told Avery that this letter is most likely a good sign that she will be accepted by the college.  I don’t think the school would consider her for a scholarship if they weren’t going to admit her.  Well, at least I hope not.  My emotions about this thing are out of control!  Please pray that I can calm down and enjoy this ride!

So my favorite today is Avery for her hard work to get this far.  We are certainly proud of you dear Avery!

Daily tally:

Avery +7/-3, Brooke +9/-2, Kate +11/-4


27 thoughts on “It’s Getting Real

  1. Congratulations to Avery. Just made the deposit on both college for school and housing, first and only child. I lay awake excited for her and ill at the same time. Nice to know I’m not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Going through the same thing! Don’t know how my heart will take doing it 3 times. But we are blessed that they are able to go😊. Best wishes to your daughter!! Hope she has a wonderful experience!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t even imagine this feeling – wow! I hope you enjoy the process, too. Knowing she is so well equipped must be a wonderful feeling. Good job, mama! Your next few months will be even more emotional, I’m sure. I hope you and her get to spend extra time together this spring to help deal with the coming separation and enjoy the changes together. What a time! Congrats to her.

    Liked by 1 person

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