Where Do Babies Come From?

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Warning – the post below contains conversations explaining sex to my children.  If you do not want to read…. Stop now!

A few years back, Brooke(now 15 yr. old) was in in 2nd grade around the age of 7 or 8 when she asked the dreaded question: “Where do babies come from?”  Noooooo!  I thought I had WAY more time before this question came up.

Let me set the scene – It was around 7am and I was driving the girls to school.  I was an administrator at an elementary school and both the girls were in school there – Avery in 5th grade and Brooke in 2nd grade.  Both girls were in the back seat of the car as I drove.  I had not had the “sex conversation” with Avery, even though she was almost 10.  I knew I should have it soon, but had just not found the right time.  Brooke fixed all that for me!  The conversation went a little like this:

Brooke: Mama, where do babies come from? 

Me: Why do you ask?

Brooke:  Well, McKenzie said her mom told her that a baby gets in the mommy’s belly when the mommy and daddy do a special kiss.  Is that true?

(Let me just say, that I was a former high school science teacher and have had some experience explaining sex and STD’s to students who did not learn at home.  I even had 2 girls tell me they were pregnant – I was the first person they told and had the responsibility of that knowledge!  I had to encourage them to tell their parents and the baby’s daddy.  Good times…..  Because of this history, I have always been truthful when my children ask questions.  I have seen what happens when kids do not have information or are misinformed.  Therefore, I felt the moral dilemma to be truthful to Brooke, but not give too much information due to her age.)  So back to the story….

Me:  Well that’s not exactly how it happens….

Brooke:  So, how does it happen?

(Please sweet child – STOP ASKING!!!  Why must you be this inquisitive?!!?)

Me: So…. mommy’s have something called an egg inside of them and daddies have something called sperm.  When the egg and sperm meet, they make a baby.

(Great!  I am now thinking this will suffice her little mind and she will drop the topic.  But……no!  She presses on!)

Brooke:  What do you mean they “meet?”  How do they meet?

Me:  Well, the sperm meets the egg and fertilizes the egg.  Then this begins to grow into a baby….

Brooke:  But how do they meet?

(Please sweet Jesus!  Make this STOP!!  Why must she ask all this!!!!  By the way, Avery is also in the back seat, looking like she wishes she could crawl into a hole and die.  She did NOT want ANY of this information!  If she could have been ANYWHERE but there at that specific moment, she definitely would have.  I wanted to be somewhere else too!!….So how to proceed?  Should I be honest and explain this?  Should I make up something?  Should I tell her that she doesn’t need to know???  Should I create a “small wreck” and pull the car into a ditch?  All these things are racing through my mind.  Ultimately, I decided to be as truthful as possible, but with as little detail as possible.  I have always believed that if children are asking questions, they are looking for answers and I should try to provide those answers.  Maybe I didn’t think that philosophy through very well…..)

Me:  You know that boys and girls have different “private parts,” right?  Well, the daddy has a part that he puts inside the mommy, and the sperm and egg meet and that makes a baby.

(Okay, I am now thinking that this is all she could ever want to know…..  BUT NO!!!)

Brooke:  Where does it go inside the mommy?  What part of the mommy?

(No! No! No! NOOOOOOO!  Again, the option of wrecking the car is sounding like a great option.)

Me:  Okay, you know where you have pee pee come out, and where you have poop come out?  There is another hole between the two of those.  That is the part.

Brooke:  There is NOT a hole there!

Me:  Yes.  There is a hole……

Brooke:   EWE!!!  Who would do that!?  That is awful!!!!

(Please let this end!!!  God of heaven and earth, PLEASE let this end!!  Tell her not to ask any more questions!!  Again, Avery could practically die of embarrassment at this point.)

Brooke is quiet for a couple of minutes.  I am thinking, “Thank you Jesus!”  She is satisfied.  We can be done.  We don’t have to talk about this again until she is a teenager!!!  Yay!!

After a couple of minutes and realizing that we have two children in our family, Brooke says…..

Brooke:  Wait, so that means you and Daddy have done that…..TWO TIMES!!!!

Trying to be as stone-faced as I can be, I replied, “Yes.  We have done that two times…..”

Again, I am thinking this is all over.  We are DONE with this topic!  She can’t dig any further!  After a few minutes, Brooke says….. “Mama, I am NEVER going to open up my bottom and let a boy stick it in me!”

Me:  That sounds great.  I think that’s a good decision.

Now, finally…… my torture is over!  She doesn’t ask any more – Hallelujah!!!  I also gave both the girls the disclaimer that they were NOT, under any circumstances, to discuss this with their friends.  I told them that it up to their own parents to tell them when they decide they are ready.

When I recounted this conversation to my husband, he was NOT happy.  He was upset that I didn’t tell them about love and commitment and abstinence……  This was not exactly a planned out conversation!  I was doing the best I could at that moment – to be truthful, but still provide limited information.  Would I do it differently?  Probably.  But it just sort of happened.  I have told him that now that we have a 3 year old, HE can be the one who gives the talk to her.  Let’s see how he does when the pressure is on!!

Today, Brooke is my favorite for continuing to challenge me and flex my parenting skills…..

Daily tally:

Avery +4/-2, Brooke +7/-2, Kate +8/-4

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26 thoughts on “Where Do Babies Come From?

  1. This was a great laugh! I mean, her questions were funny, and the comments from her, oh man…. Poor you! You did the best you could, no worries. Maybe next time this comes up, just say, “We’ll talk about it later when we can have a private conversation.” But I would soooo panic in the moment as well!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! It’s much funnier now – years down the road….. I guess I’m just giving her material for therapy later. Sure wish I had gotten an instructional manual in the hospital when the girls were born! Thanks for reading!

      Like

  2. Oh boy! What a conversation! I think you did great! Our daughter is only 3 months so we have a while before we have to explain anything! But I think one of the things we would struggle with is how much do we tell her? I do agree that the truth is the best option.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was a substitute teacher for third graders once and I showed a group of kids a picture of my great-nephew Beagle, Luke. Luke had a Cone of Shame on, and one of the boys asked why. I said he was neutered. What does that mean? Uh, thinking that I should have said that the dog had surgery or just an owie or something. Weighing whether balls or testicles was the school-appropriate, I went with testicles. You probably can guess that I was asked by a boy what that was. It was time for math and a change of topic.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my! I would have been so stressed, I think I would have told them we would talk about it later.. my oldest is nine, and while I know we will have to have this talk soon, I am not ready!

    Liked by 1 person

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